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Volume 5, No. 9 | Friday, September 15, 2006 |  |
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hirty-four years ago this month, I put my oldest daughter on a school bus for the first time. The emotions that were a part of that day come back to me every year when I see school supplies on sale, and when the first day of school comes around and I see kids congregated at the bus stop at the end of our road, I relive the experience. You don’t forget how frightened and small your firstborn looks climbing aboard a big yellow bus that is taking her away from you. I can still see her bravely walking toward the steps in a new dress and shiny shoes, biting her lip and clutching a Flintstones lunchbox, a large name tag handpainted by her kindergarten teacher (it was tear-stained by the time she got back home) hanging from a purple wool string and flapping in the breeze. I hid my feelings behind a camera, and when the pictures came back (we sent them away in those days) I discovered there were a dozen of the school bus pulling away that I didn’t remember taking! Going off to school, whether to first grade or college, is a clearly defined rite of passage in our culture, a step in the growth and maturation process of becoming an adult. Where we fall short as a culture is in not acknowledging the value of learning throughout our lives. Whether we are 5 or 19 or 36 or 60, it’s not easy to get on the bus, but it’s essential to our continued growth that we do. It is important that we recognize how moving out of a small comfortable world into a larger unknown one expands our capabilities, and that we acknowledge the fear and feelings of inadequacy which inevitably arise when we step into new learning situations.
Feeling Five I am reflecting about the times I’ve felt like a little girl going off to a scary and wonderful place to learn. I certainly felt that way in a tiny plane descending into the mountains surrounding Bend, Oregon, where I went a dozen plus years ago to study with Dick Bolles and a group of career counselors from all over the world. And again a few years later in Washington, DC, in a Transition Certification program with William Bridges, where I was the only sole practitioner in a group of HR professionals from governmental agencies. And again last year in a writing program I participated in where I realized there was no place to hide when it came time for me to read what I had written. Each of these experiences was a “mini rite-of-passage” I consciously created for myself by seeking out the challenge of a new learning experience among people with educational and career credentials very different from my own. With the choice to make myself a peer of very bright people, however, also came the risk of having to deal with my insecurities.
Feeling Dumb Edie Seashore illuminated this for me in a reframing exercise in a course I took with her this summer. Here is the exercise: make three columns on a sheet of paper. In column one, list adjectives that describe qualities you value about yourself: for example, “energetic”, “smart”, etc. In column two, list the psychological opposite for each quality. These are the things that drive you crazy in others (and in yourself), such as “lazy”, “dumb”, etc. In column three, “reframe” the qualities in column two. For example, acknowledge what may look like “laziness” in some people, or even in yourself, could just be an ability to “chill out”. If feeling “dumb” is abhorrent to you, it is not surprising that you would avoid putting yourself in situations that make you feel that way. I think this explains why so many intelligent and capable seniors resist learning computer skills. Yet what if they were able to “reframe” feeling dumb as a necessary step in the learning process? Permission To Be Incompetent After the group has demonstrated their mastery of tying a shoe the normal way, my friend asks them to make “one little change”—repeat the exercise with their hands crossed at their wrist. What follows is a predictable emotional response to a situation that triggers the stage of learning my friend calls “conscious incompetence.” The people in the group start to talk about how awkward it feels, how much longer it takes, how they are not good at these types of things, how ridiculous the exercise is, etc. These are all ways of saying, “I’m feeling scared and/or angry because you’ve made me feel dumb.” By giving her students permission to be like scared five-year-olds and experience “conscious incompetence” as a normal, essential, and temporary part of the learning process itself , my friend also gives them:
It’s clear that our readers (at least the ones who responded) are working more, and it is affecting their lives, yet it is encouraging to see that large portion of them are coping by taking time for themselves.
Readers Write
“Another concrete, personal, inspiring newsletter and such an important one! Your newsletter is so important. I’m visualizing it on newsstands!”
“Ah, how we all need to deal with those boundaries. Great newsletter.”
“I love your use of metaphor and graphics.”
“This article comes to me at a very interesting time. I just met with my boss on yesterday asking to go to a 4-day, 10 hours/day work week. I asked to trial it for the next several months. He was very agreeable to it. I felt this was the first step to creating some formal space between me and my job and creating a little more balance in my life.”
“Your interesting article which explained the differences between toiling mill workers in Lowell and workers of today, was insightful, as usual. As I often take client calls until 9 PM, I find time during the day to create a ‘personal space’ to replace that time lost at night. It’s invigorating to expand services with longer hours, but important to spend time in daily renewal as well.”
“This was a very good newsletter for me. It allowed me to see the progress I have made over time. I have not been bringing work home, checking work related e-mails or listening to work related voice mails from home since I began this job.”
Beverly and her husband Michael “got on the bus” this summer when they participated in an experiential learning circle at the Cape Cod Institute, led and nurtured by Charlie and Edie Seashore. Charlie Seashore is chair of the faculty of the doctoral program in Human and Organization Development of the Fielding Graduate Institute and a founding member of the faculty in the American University/NTL Institute Master’s program in Organization Development. Edie Seashore specializes in OD and change and has had over 40 years of experience training and consulting with corporations and government agencies as well as non-profits. The week-long program brought together a dynamic group of organizational development professionals from the US, Canada and Europe to explore the intentional use of self, self-efficacy and agency, diversity, reframing and feedback.
40 Oak Leaf Rd About Us Our long-term relationships with clients, recognition by peers, and growing reputation as a community resource speak to the excellence of the services we provide and our commitment to making the world of work a better place for all.
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The stick illustrations in this issue are by Eloise Morley.
Copyright © 2006
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Also in this issue ...
As we move forward into the 21st century it’s pretty obvious to just about everyone that work isn’t what it used to be. Whether we work for ourselves, or for someone else, or are in transition, things are changing rapidly and we’re caught in a shift of seismic proportions. Many things are being demanded of us, and it’s going to require more than just new skills to survive and thrive. We’re going to need to learn how to get serious about taking care of the business of our professional lives. Taking Care of Business We invite you to share your thoughts by
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It was very gratifying that so many people responded to the 
We had a number of positive responses to last month’s issue. Here is a sampling. 
