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Volume 7, No. 5 | Friday, May 9, 2008 |  |
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A Mother's Day Message
y husband and I were taking Amtrak to Virginia, and in Trenton, a stylishly dressed mature woman boarded the train and took the seat behind us. She dozed until Wilmington in an erect posture with her back against the window. Then she awoke and called her son. I know this because it’s impossible not to overhear a cell phone conversation on a train, and because her opening remark, intended to capture her son’s full attention, also got mine. “God invented cell phones,” she said, “so that mothers could call their sons to see if they will be picking them up at the station or if they will be left on the curb like a discarded piece of luggage.”
I immediately envisioned a middle-aged attorney or executive cringing in his office. Now I know this was speculation, but given the birthday gift bag on the seat beside her, and her highly organized manner, it was hard to believe that there had been no prior conversations about her arrival and the logistics connected with it. Yet the intensity of her tone made it clear she did not trust the arrangements would be carried out. Although at first my empathy went toward the adult child on the receiving end of this parental shot across the bow, as I thought about what was behind the mother’s harshly expressed need for reassurance, I realized that some part of her didn’t believe she was valuable enough to be picked up. Not Valuable Enough
These concerns are certainly valid, but what’s important is what we do with them. We can spit out the raw fear they bring up in us, or chew them down into something “digestible” which has the potential to nourish us. Under bombardment from fear-generating headlines and water cooler rumors, employees and business owners have the same choice—they can either react to the fear or do the inner work needed to transform personal angst into a constructive response. The transformation starts with a deeper level of self-inquiry: “How can I acknowledge what I’m feeling in a positive way?” From this a new set of questions emerges:
These sorts of questions lead to the same kind of creative brainstorming a professional applies to any business situation. They shift the focus from what you can’t change (e.g. increasing costs, the decline of the dollar, senior management’s decision-making) to what you can change (your skills repertoire, state of readiness, range of options). Taking leadership responsibility for reframing the discussion going on inside your head will move you toward a solution instead of keeping you stuck in the quagmire of negative thinking. Whatever our political persuasion, most of us would agree that we want the next leader of our country to be able to look reality straight in the eye and be optimistic at the same time. No less is required of you as the leader of your own professional life. What Are You Feeding? Unfortunately for her, and her fellow passengers, this brought her no relief. She spent the last hour of the journey sighing exaggeratedly like a petulant child. I wanted to stick a crossing light in front of her, one that flashed bright red lights and said, “Stop, Look, Listen.” Then I recalled that I have to keep one handy for myself. Whenever I feel trapped into thinking I’m a victim of circumstances, I need something to remind me that no matter what is going on I always have a choice about how I respond. Three things save me from myself.
So why bother to do all this? Can’t you call a spade and spade and still get where you want to go? Maybe. I’m sure the mother on the train got picked up and everyone at the party indulged her when she went on and on about her terrible experience. But was she a valued guest? Maybe you’ll be able to hold on to your job or your customers through tough times, even if don’t work at staying out of the negativity, but it’s also very likely that by reacting from your negative feelings rather than responding to them you will be adding to your risk. You can’t come from a negative space and feel valuable at the same time. Like oil and water, the two don’t mix. Bottom Line—if you don’t think you’re valuable enough to be picked up, no one else will.
Readers Write
Last month’s newsletter announcing the publication of Beverly’s book, Ground of Your Own Choosing, brought a flood of congratulatory emails. Below is a selection of responses. You can find out more about Ground of Your Own Choosing here.
Congratulations on getting the book out the door! I can’t wait to read it. Educational Consultant, Centerville, MA
I like learning from your experiences. I like the stories and learn best from them. The last paragraph resonated with me. I’ve copied it to put somewhere where I can look at it frequently. I also liked what you said about trusting and falling forward. I liked the image. IT Consultant, San Francisco, CA
I loved your newsletter, as always. Thanks so much for, again, sharing your thoughts and experiences with us so honestly and freely, and reminding us of the mystical aspect of creativity. Publisher, Lunigiana, Tuscany, Italy
Do you feel like you just gave birth? What a long gestation period! I'm so happy for you and I hope it does really well. I loved your column on writing and sent it to my writing group colleagues as these are all the things we talk about and struggle with. I never feel that I have the time, but your story is so inspiring. Counselor, Maynard, MA
I have found your quotes and words very inspiring. “Don’t worry about falling—just lean into it so that when you fall you fall forward,” has struck a chord with me today. Medical Professional, Wilmington, DE
I loved your latest newsletter, especially this: “Trying to strike a balance on the tightrope between will and creativity is ultimately an act of trust, not just that the project will somehow get done, but that by staying in the process you will become who you need to be to complete it.” Thanks for the reminder about how the balancing act works. Writer, Brewster, MA
Transition in the Second Half of Life The second half of life today brings the expectation that many will live independently into their 90’s with active minds and bodies. Yet while the spirit is young, many acknowledge and mourn the unmistakable signs of aging. This workshop will give participants an opportunity to share what they are experiencing, and to begin the process of planning for the coming years rather than waking up to find they are gone. Participants will gain a deeper awareness of the transitions in their own lives, be inspired by the stories of role models and guides, explore practical ways to move forward with more comfort and joy, and enjoy new perspectives on the unique value of the aging journey.
40 Oak Leaf Rd About Us Our long-term relationships with clients, recognition by peers, and growing reputation as a community resource speak to the excellence of the services we provide and our commitment to making the world of work a better place for all.
Privacy Policy We at the Center for Career and Business Development respect your privacy: we do not sell, rent, share or otherwise misuse any data which we may have about you; its only purpose is to send you information which we believe will be of value to you. If you don’t want to receive this newsletter, use the SafeUnsubscribe™ link below and your name will be promptly and cheerfully removed from our list.
The stick illustrations in this issue are by Eloise Morley.
Copyright © 2007
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Also in this issue ...
As we move forward into the 21st century it’s pretty obvious to just about everyone that work isn’t what it used to be. Whether we work for ourselves, or for someone else, or are in transition, things are changing rapidly and we’re caught in a shift of seismic proportions. Many things are being demanded of us, and it’s going to require more than just new skills to survive and thrive. We’re going to need to learn how to get serious about taking care of the business of our professional lives. Taking Care of Business We invite you to share your thoughts by
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